When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
