i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
