I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
