I cut my penus on the lid.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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