At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
