we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
