omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We have started to decorate penises.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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