Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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