I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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