Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
