last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
