so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
