honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
