just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
