Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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