wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
