Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
