There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
