I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
we should paint friendship bongs
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
