I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
