Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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