the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
