he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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