Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
