apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
