he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
