We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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