The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
