Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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