There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize