wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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