My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dear god my vagina.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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