New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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