do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
