well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
