great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
