It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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