i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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