I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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