I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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