I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
