it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
