i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Randomize
