her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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