I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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