Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
