So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
