Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
