due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
