i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
