thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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