is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
