barbara walters just said penis...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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