If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
