I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
