remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
barbara walters just said penis...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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