its not stalking. its research.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
