I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
