you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
