My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
