The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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