we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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