Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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