Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
