This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
