I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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