The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
