k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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