Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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