Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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